STILL Apologizing? - Empathy vs. Sympathy

My blog entitled "Stop Apologizing!  It's not making anyone feel better!" certainly got you all talking.  In fact, it has gotten over one thousand views since I posted it, which amazes and humbles me.  Thank you all for reading it and for the lively commentary you have engaged in on the topic.

I have read every comment and noticed a trend that I can't help but address; many of you mentioned the need for 'Empathy' and that it is best expressed through a 'sincere apology'.  

That got the frustrated English professor that hides in the back of my brain thinking, what, exactly, is the difference between 'Empathy' and 'Sympathy'?

First stop - the ginormous dictionary given to me by my father many, many, many years ago when I was a wee child.  I dragged it down, dusted it off and looked up the definition for each word.

EMPATHY - the mental identification of the ego with the character and experiences of another person.

SYMPATHY - a feeling of compassion; pity; commiseration; to share the sentiments or ideas of another.

Excellent info from Mr. Webster and his progeny, but the distinction betwixt the two still seemed a bit murky so I did the next best thing and posed the question to the most knowledgeable, diverse and responsive audience possible... I posted it as my Status on Facebook. 

Got a few responses (thanks, FB friends) but still couldn't distill it into a clear, succinct sentence or two.

Finally, my sister, who is a very wise woman with a real gift for expressing thoughts clearly came up with this;

"With empathy you can understand what a person is going through because you've gone through something similar.  With sympathy you just feel badly for someone."

BINGO!  That's it, little sister.

We are right when, as service professionals, we want to express 'Empathy' and let our customers know that we can UNDERSTAND what they are experiencing because we can relate it to something - an impact.  But we are WRONG when we hope to achieve that objective by APOLOGIZING, because that is offering 'Sympathy'.

When you say "I'm sorry", you are letting someone know that you FEEL compassion, pity, 'Bad for them'.  You are showing that you 'share their sentiments'.  So, if they are unhappy with the product or service your company provided to them, you are agreeing that there is a deficit or problem and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is NOT what we have been hired to do.  Our role is to understand the issues, gather the information needed to rectify the situation and offer a solution that pleases our customer and meets business objectives.

Sympathy = Feeling + Agreement  = Apology 

Empathy = Understanding + Action = Solutions 

Sympathy is great.  As humans we need it, we seek it, we instinctively give it to others.  Hallmark has a huge line of cards devoted to it.  But we aren't sending out cards, we are Customer Service Professionals and our responsibility is to deliver WORLD CLASS Service to all of our customers in EVERY interaction and that means taking it to the next level.  It is no longer acceptable to 'do things the way we were taught' twenty years ago, or follow the rules laid out in an employee manual or customer service book written years ago.  

Bob Dylan (if you don't know who he is, please Google him,  I already get teased around the office because I assumed that the young-un's all knew who Janis Joplin was...) sang that "... the times, they are a'changing" and not only WAS he correct, he still is.  It's time to raise the bar and then raise it again and training and empowering your associates to be able to respond to upset, unhappy, disappointed and downright angry customers with a powerful, meaningful statement that 'Acknowledges the Concern' is the first step.

I am not talking about scripted statements, I am not talking about trying to change the company or individual culture, I am not talking about taking the humanity or personality out of your representatives and their relationships with their callers.  I am talking about providing them with training that is designed specifically, incorporating Adult Learning Principles, using our Group Discovery Process (TM) and customized for each client to insure maximum retention and minimal resistance and that comes with follow-up coaching to guarantee that your coaches are driving the right behaviors.

I haven't been 'sale-sy' here because I HATE blogs that only want you to buy something, and I have been giving you all a lot of great info gratis, but I can't give away the company store.  What I CAN do make a special offer - 

Join our webinar, Effectively Empathizing and Gaining Control (Course 130), and find out exactly how to deliver effective empathy statements that will get your customers to really feel that they have been heard and you understand the impact the issues have had on them, resulting in them immediately calming down and letting you deal with them easily.  On top of that, in this webinar, you will learn the secret to diffusing irate customers and the key to gaining control of your interactions.  After attending this webinar, you will be able to:

-Take control of the interaction in the first 20 seconds of the interaction

-Diffuse even the most irate customer

-Effectively respond to a complaint using a proven empathy statement that is NOT scripted

-Build confidence in the customer's belief that you can help them

Sign up your front-line, supervisors, managers and coaches today!  Turn it around...and have the customer calm down and be easy to work with to resolve the issue! 

***Special Pricing for fans of Customer Service Tails****

Enter Promo Code - CORGI and save $50!!!  per participant 

Go to http://www.radclyffepartners.com/REGISTER-ONLINE-WEBSHOPS.html to select a date, register and pay using PayPal with your company credit.  It's as easy as that.  Feel free to call for more information at 973-291-8947.