Disappointment, Desperation, Dessert; A tale of Thanksgiving

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are emerging from your tryptophan coma's.  This year, mine was great.  Got to wake in my own home, watch a spectacular parade whilst still in my PJ's and then head to my dear sisters home, where she had tackled all the cooking, decorating and general distribution of mirth required to insure all attending were happy, stuffed and sleepy by 6pm.

As I sat in a stupor watching my nieces and nephew race around with WAAAAY to much energy, my thoughts drifted back, back, back... to a different Thanksgiving, a VERY different Thanksgiving.

My company has been in business since 1994 and I have been a part of the team since the beginning.  Over the years I have worn just about every hat, usually more than one at a time, including sales.  For those of you in sales, I am about to say something you will all nod your heads in agreement with, 'When your compensation is tied to what you bring in, you will do whatever it takes to close a deal, especially a big one.'  During those first few years, it was critical that we nurture every potential client relationship and that meant traveling wherever, and whenever, there was a warm body with the authority to sign a contract!  Even on the day before the biggest travel day of the year.  ( I know, the busiest travel day of the year is actually a Friday in July, but humor me here, the last Thursday in November is a biggie, too.)  That is how I wound up in Dallas, TX on an exceedingly warm last Wednesday in November back in the late 1990's prepared to call on the client that could double our next years revenue and give me a very, very Merry Christmas.


I had flown in the evening before and was lucky enough to secure one of the last hotel rooms in the city, had a great night's sleep and was totally 'on' during my sales presentation.  I hit every point, could see that I had them in the palm of my hand and just KNEW the deal was going to close when the Director I was presenting to asked me if I could meet with her VP.  The VP?  Heck yeah, I'll meet with your Great Aunt Tootsie it she is authorized to sign on the dotted line.  So, I waited...and waited... and waited.  Until my flight home was starting to board at the Dallas/Ft.Worth Airport.  I called my office and had Vicky, the company 'fixer' book me on a later flight.  Later, in this case meant the next day, Thanksgiving Day, at 11pm, but I didn't mind because I was going to get this huge deal and that would make up for no turkey.  She also arranged a room for me, not at the place I had stayed the night before, at a place closer to the airport.  It wasn't a 'name' but, hey, how bad could it be? 

Finally, my about to be newest client came in to apologize for the long wait and tell me that the VP had left.  Apparently he had to pick up some last minute items for his family feast and the little woman was not going to wait until after he chatted with some salesperson.  However, he really did want to meet with me and his admin had overheard me changing my travel plans so he insisted I join his family for Thanksgiving dinner.  I would have demurred, but he was gone and I was being handed directions to his home, so I figured it would make a great story and I should lighten up and go with the flow. (Not a trait I posess in abundance)


On the way to my lodging for the evening I swung into a shopping mall and picked up a new blouse to wear, having not packed anything other than the bare minimum, and had a burger and beer at a nice little pub.  It was about 9pm when I pulled into the parking lot of what was clearly the 'No-Tell Motel'


I will admit that I was judging a book by it's cover, but pink stucco and a sign with more letters dark than illuminated does not exactly promise comfort, nor did the orange and burnt umber once shag carpet that now looked more like something afflicted with mange.  Still, it was just for the night and tomorrow I would have a nice dinner with what would surely be the biggest client my firm had yet to acquire, so, smile plastered firmly in place I strode up to the receptionist and cheerfully announced that I had arrived and would LOVE to check in to her fine establishment.


She smiled back a surprisingly warm greeting and began clickety-clacking on her keyboard.  The faster her fingers flew, the dimmer her smile became.  I began to feel the creeping fingers of anxiety as I watched her furrow her brow and study her computer screen as if it were the Rosetta Stone until finally, rather than reaching into a cubby and producing a room key which I just knew would be chained to a varnished piece of lumber, she looked up and began to speak.  The first word out of her mouth was my least favorite to hear. "Unfortunately...." (nothing good ever follows that word and I began to feel the buzz of panic) "it IS the night before Thanksgiving" (no kidding Sweetheart, I should be on my way to my cozy and CLEAN home right now, not here.  And why are my feet sticking to the carpet?) "and when you didn't get here earlier" (Earlier?  It's only 9pm!) "we had to give your room away to another guest." (ARGHHHH!!!)  I am in a full-blown four-alarm panic.  If this dump is sold out, you can bet there is no place else with the sound of my screams.  My mind is racing.  It's too muggy to sleep in the car, but maybe I can crash on the red naugahyde banquet is see across the lobby.  Of course, I will doubtless awaken not only stuck to it, but will surely bear the imprint of it's fabulous faux crocodile patten impressed into one side of my face all day.  Won't that impress the VP and his Missus?  As I am feverishly weighing my options, trying not to burst into tears and feeling faint I become aware that Miss NoTell is still speaking to me.


"However..."  (What?  My vision begins to clear)  "I was able to book you a room..." (The clouds are parting and I can feel my fingers again)  "At the Marriott four blocks away..."  (A choir of Angels is singing, I swear, really)  As I bolt into the humid darkness I can hear her finishing "and breakfast is on us either there or back here, your choice."  (Yeah, that's a no-brainer.  Buh-bye!)


Ninety minutes later, as I sat in my clean-fluffy Mariott robe after a glorious shower I found myself wondering why it is that people feel compelled to make bad news even worse by padding it with words and details that don't really add value or even matter.  In this instance, yes, she didn't have a room for me, but she did have an option, and a darn good one at that.  But before sharing it with me, she had to hit me with so much negative wording that the floor opened under me and I plunged into the 'black hole of despair'.  It would have been so much easier, and pleasant for the both of us if she had used the technique of 'Positioning Information Positively' and said something like, "Great news, you are booked into a room at the Marriott, only four blocks away and it comes with a complimentary breakfast".  Positioning Information Positively involves three components; focus on the positive by putting it first, remove weak and negative wording and be sure and let them know why what you are offering is good for them.


It is a skill that takes a bit of practice, but the benefits are huge!  Not only do you instill confidence in your customers, but you reduce the chances that you will have to spend time calming and comforting unhappy folks.  Think of it this way; if you throw someone into the pit and then have a solution that brings them back up to ground level, what would that solution do to someone who is already feeling good?  Right, take them into the clouds.  Yes they may wonder why you are offering them something different than what they expected, but if you offer it with confidence and let them know why it is good for them, odds are they aren't going to think about it for too long.


(Oh, and dinner was just amazing!  Texan's throw a BIG Thanksgiving and my hosts were so warm and welcoming.  I could not have had a better time.  Didn't get the contract signed, however.  Turned out that Mr. VP didn't actually have the authority I thought he did.  Didn't have the authority HE thought he should have had, either, he left that company in January... and went to an even bigger organization.  I got a call from him in April of that year and, while I didn't get invited to Easter brunch, I did get the training engagement for his new organization and he is still a client today and, no, I never did tell him about that night.  Well, I guess he knows now.)

Sweet, Savory and Bite-Sized...

When I was in the 6th grade girls had to take Home Ec and Shop was a 'boys only' class complete with legendary tales of tragic mishaps. (Yes, I am THAT old)  Of course, this was soooo unfair because at the age of twelve I had built a spectacular two-story tree house, but the cider drink I concocted made a classmate quite ill.  Tragic mishaps, indeed.

Well, time changes many things.  Today I keep my feet on the ground.  In fact, if you see me in a tree these days it means I was scooped up and dropped there by an exceedingly large raptor, but, if you are looking for me after work you'll likely find me in the kitchen.  I now LOVE to cook.  I not only love to cook, I love to read about cooking, I love to talk about cooking and I love to watch cooking shows.  I especially enjoy watching cooking shows while cooking.  My favorite is to watch Iron Chef while pretending to be in my own 'kitchen stadium', chopping, sauteing and deglazing along with Iron Chef Morimoto and Iron Chef Cat Cora.  My secret ingredient is never very exotic, usually chicken, but I fancy myself to be quite creative and enjoy presenting something new to my family and friends and then waiting for the feedback from my 'judges'.

(Which reminds me, this weekend one of the guest judges doled out the BEST lines of feedback I have heard in many seasons... I'll tell you later.)

Let's get back to my dinner table.  After giving my 'judges' a few moments to savor my culinary offering I start soliciting their thoughts, impressions, criticism and, of course, praise.  I'll admit it, I'd rather hear that I am going to enter the ranks of the Iron Chefs than that I need to go back to being chief pot scrubber, but I am open to all feedback because, I may have mentioned earlier, I LOVE cooking.  I want to be the very best at it that I can possibly be and the only way to truly excel at something is through methodical mastery, continuing to take it to the next level. 


Those of you who coach others know that there are two types of feedback; immediate and deferred.  Deferred comes after the act.  It's like the restaurant critics review that appears in next months issue of Food & Wine magazine.  Immediate is right in the moment.  More like the critic spitting out a mouthful of your chicken pot pie into her napkin... loudly.  Which is going to have a greater impact?  Yup, I'd be scrambling to whip up a different dish really quickly after whisking away that loaded linen.


Another difference is that deferred feedback may address several items.  It's reviewing last Sundays dinner course by course;The salad was so fresh, the roast quite juicy, but the pie was a bit burned.  While immediate feedback is usually about one thing; Hey!  The soup needs more salt.


Both types of feedback are valuable and I will discuss deferred in more detail in a future blog.  My experience has shown me that deferred feedback is actually happening in most organizations, though usually not as often, or as structured, as it ought to be to derive the optimal results.  I want to focus on immediate right now because it gets you the most bang for your coaching buck.  It is like a platter of perfect little appetizers, people keep coming back for more.  You can mix in all sorts of flavors and textures, in small amounts, and get people to try things they would never tolerate in huge helpings.  Incredibly rich or cloyingly sweet, when offered in tiny, easily consumed portions, you can introduce new ideas and concepts and reinforce positive habits and behaviors.


Many coaches are challenged to find the time for immediate feedback, but, once you learn how deceptively simple it is, you will realize it takes only moments to provide concise, actionable feedback on the fly.  Just focus on one behavior, state it simply, say why it worked or didn't, and give an example of how to do it differently next time.  For example; 'Chef Cora, I noticed that you didn't take the time to let the steaks rest before you cut them.  As a result, the juices weren't able to distribute properly and the meat was dry.  Next time, be sure to set aside 8-10 minutes for the meat to sit before slicing.'  (No offense meant to my vegetarian friends)  With practice a coach can deliver immediate feedback in less than a minute, and that is a minute very well spent.


One last thing, and this is really important, just like a perfect meal feedback needs to be balanced.  There is a very specific ratio of constructive to positive feedback that must be followed to insure the best results; 4 to 1.  That is FOUR positive pieces of feedback for every ONE piece of constructive feedback.  There is a simple way to remember the ratio.  Think of a great meal; it's five courses - appetizer, salad, soup, entree and dessert.  One course may be 'not so great' but if the other four are delicious you'll want to eat there again.


That's what we want feedback to be; sweet, savory, and bite-sized, something that leaves them wanting more.


(That awesome feedback from this weekends Iron Chef?  Chef Zakarian got cinnamon candy as his secret ingredient and had to make not just a dessert, but a savory course as well.  One of the judges, after acknowledging what a challenging task it was to use Red Hots with meat, tasted the dish and said, "It's like asking Mozart to play the Kazoo in a marching band... and can YOU play the kazoo!  It's fantastic!!"  Now that's the kind of immediate feedback a person won't soon forget.)

If you'd like to know more about creating and administering a successful coaching program, or want to swap recipes, please drop me a comment below.